About

The Project: Fixing the Broken Switch

This blog is an record of a very specific problem—and a very specific attempt to solve it.

I am not a daily drinker. I don’t crave alcohol every evening. I don’t fit the stereotype most people imagine when they hear the word “alcoholism.” Instead, I have what I think of as a broken off-switch.

The Glitch

When I drink, I don’t drink moderately. One drink reliably turns into many. Not because of stress, sadness, or lack of morals—but because of brain chemistry.

My first drink triggers a neurochemical cascade that shuts down impulse control and turns drinking into an all-or-nothing event.

What follows is worse. After even a single binge, I experience severe, multi-day anxiety, cognitive impairment, and an inability to function. This is a phenomenon known as the Kindling Effect, driven by glutamate rebound and nervous system overstimulation.

This isn’t a hangover. It’s chemical terror.

A Ghost in the Genetics

For years, I treated this as a personal failure. But recently, the stakes became existential.

My father is a severe alcoholic; I haven’t seen him since I was five years old. For decades, he was just a void in my life. But as my own drinking patterns began to scare me, I went looking for answers. I learned that he is still out there—bankrupt, isolated, and still drinking.

That discovery was a cold splash of water. I saw my potential future living out in real-time.

I am almost 40. I refuse to cross that milestone carrying this burden. I am going to fix myself before 40, so I do not end up like him.

The Solution: The Sinclair Method

Now, I treat this as a medical and neurological condition.

This blog documents my decision to stop relying on willpower and instead use The Sinclair Method (TSM). This is a pharmacological approach that uses medication (Nalmefene/Selincro) to block the brain’s opioid reward from alcohol, with the goal of gradually extinguishing the craving itself.

I am not promoting miracles or quick fixes. This is a long experiment—likely months, possibly a year or more. I write to think clearly, to track outcomes, and to offer a perspective for others who recognize themselves in this pattern but have never seen it described accurately.

• If you drink “normally” most of the time — until you don’t — this blog is for you.

• If you’ve felt the switch flip and wondered why you couldn’t stop it, you’re not alone.

This is the log of me trying to fix it.